puppy business

It's all puppy all the time around here. Harry is a wonderful little monster. He is learning to potty train pretty well. He goes to the door most of the time, but sometimes doesn't make it. During the day I take him out every 15 minutes (dude has a tiny bladder!). He also fights sleep so hard. He wants to be up and playing all day. He plays until he totally poops out and hardly slept the first night. He is napping in my lap right now and I'm doing my best not to move. He wakes super easily. Silly fella!

The other pups are doing great with him. Still adjusting and a bit jealous as he is always following us around and getting more attention since he is still in the puppy stage. I am so amazed at how sweet they are being to him though. One of my favorite moments has been watching Amelia (our 70 pound black lab) play with him. She could crush this guy if she wanted to, but she is so gentle and loves to bop him on the nose. 

So far his nicknames are: Ham Bone, Hash Brown, Buddy, and Dude. 

I love seeing his little personality come out and watching all the silly things he does. When we got him he had a toy that had been with him at the kennel. It is some weird purple stuffed animal and it is definitely his woobie. We call it his Purple Nurple. 

He is happy. We are happy. The other pups are happy. It's good.

In other news I am figuring some shit out. Having a mild fibro flare thing. Caught up on homework. And I am supposed to be writing right now, but am avoiding it by blogging. My nails are a bitchin' shade of blue. And we have discovered our strawberry thief isn't a squirrel, it's actually Amelia! That girl loves her some fruit!

xo, C 

p.s. I promise I will blog about something other than pups soon. I'm working on some posts about being myself, anxiety, and getting through rough days, so keep an eye out!



Meet Harry! We rescued him yesterday. We weren't planning on getting another dog anytime soon, we have thought about it but hadn't made up our minds. We found out our vet had a lost puppy that no one had claimed, they told us they wanted us to take him, but that another family might be interested. Yesterday I got a voicemail that if we didn't take him he was going to the pound. I just couldn't deal with knowing another dog would go to the pound. Even if he was adopted, it might mean another dog would be euthanized in his place, and he might be euthanized if he wasn't adopted. Since we were open to getting another dog, it was hard to say no. After mulling it over we decided to take this little mutt home. 

He is a chihuahua mix and under ten pounds, so pretty tiny. The vet thinks he is 6 months old, but he acts way more like a 3 or 4 month old. He is crazy! Hardly sleeps and nips like no ones business! I am so glad we took him in after seeing his issues with biting. He is so cute that I could totally see a family with young kids adopting him and then not being able to handle him due to his biting issue. Luckily we can work with him. 

He didn't sleep much so we didn't sleep much last night either, so exhausted! He also isn't potty trained. Lots of work to do but we can handle it. The other pups are doing fine. Setting boundaries and trying to figure him out.

I had a huge sob meltdown last night. I thought we made a huge mistake and that he was too crazy to handle. Luckily I feel better this morning. Having a puppy is hard, but we have dealt with it three times before.

I'll try to get better pictures of our little buddy soon. I love the last picture of his puppy butt! Pups are the cutest!

xo, C



I've been sleeping like shit the last three nights. The only thing getting me out of bed at 5:30 is the nightmares that plagued me all night. It sucks. For awhile my sleep was improving, but now it's bad again. I usually sleep badly for several months and then sleep a little better for about a month. Why can't the good sleep last longer than the bad? I am an unlucky sleeper.

In less bummer news, it's this little pups birthday tomorrow! She is going to be eight! I can't believe this little spunky monster is that old, she is so rambunctious and just our oink-y little piglet. It just so happens she is going to the groomer tomorrow morning, so after I drop her off I am going to sneak over to the pet store to get her some prezzies. I think a puppy party is in order, after all, you only turn eight once! 

Happy almost-birthday Isabelle, oh I love you so!

xo, C


The write life

So I had a dream a few nights ago that I figured out how to write my book. I have been struggling with a book idea for months now, unable to find the best way to approach it, and basically scared out of my mind to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys). In my dream, I wrote out a list of questions to answer and then began writing the answers one by one, this turned into my book. 

Once I woke up, I realized I had dreamed up a brilliant idea. And decided that was the way I was going to write my book! I wrote out a huge list of questions yesterday and answered my first one this morning. 

My book is going to be a sort of guide for people dealing with depression. Not a medical guide, not a therapy guide, but a day to day guide. A help for the little things no one really thinks about figuring out. Like how to get out of bed in the morning, or how to get through an anxious day. I wish I had the answers to these questions when things were really bad, and since I've dealt with depression for over ten years, I've had plenty of time to answer these questions for myself. 

Another twist is that I'm thinking about writing it in a sort of diary format. My story will be intertwined as well as adding maybe pictures and art work. It will give a little insight into my life and brain, and hopefully help and inspire. I'm excited about it and hope I can make it work!

So I was wondering if you had any questions you would want answered about dealing with depression or just hard times in general? If so, leave them in the comments, I would love to have your insight!

Wish me luck and vision and fast fingers for typing!

xo, C


Pin love

Morning Doves!

Here are some of my favorite pins from last week. Are you on Pinterest? If so, leave your username in the comments and I'll follow you. Love to find some new friends to follow! You can find my username in the sidebar.

Today is for puppy baths and maybe a stop at the thrift store. I'll let you know if I find any treasures!

xo, C

This illustration is badass.

Love this mischievous puppy!

Since i've been gardening I feel so much more connected to the earth and realize even more how much it cares for us and how we need to care for it in return. I love this print!

I find this image so powerful. We need to quit the judgment.

This garlic bread looks so good. I'd hold the cheese though.

Ronald and I had sidecars over the weekend. Ever had one? So yummy! We used this recipe.

This is so good and so damn true.


princess feet

So I have really sensitive little feet. I have the hugest trouble finding shoes that don't give me blisters, and I almost always get blisters on the bottom of my feet if I wear uncomfortable shoes. Not fun to hobble around on my heels! It can take me months to find a comfortable pair of shoes. I have been trying shoes online with little luck and usually end up returning them.

Lately it seems that I buy a pair of shoes thinking they will work, then try them on the next week and realize they hurt like hell, to the point I can't even wear them outside. I have so many shoes that don't work that are brand new! I think a sale is in order! Anyone a size 8? They are all cute!

All of this is to say I am going shoe shopping today and am totally dreading it. I hate shoe shopping because I usually come up empty handed after a few hours wandering different stores. But hey, it has to be done, and I'm hoping to find a few pairs of comfy-s for Lisbon (June is not too far away!).

Also, if you didn't know this yet, you have to wear the right shoe shopping outfit. Basically nothing that makes your boobs fall out as you bend over to try things on, and something that will give you a good idea how the shoes will look with most of your outfits. So today is for a cute puffy dress and maybe a bow in my hair. Why the hell not?

Wish me luck today! I'll let you know what I find!

xo, C


she who dares wins


I love this print. I love what it says, I love the way it looks. I've been thinking a lot about this statement, in fact I have it on the desktop of my computer, and it reminds me of the changes I've made and that I am a strong person. The last year or so, I've really come into my own. It feels great and here are some of the things I have discovered about who I am.

1. I am a feminist. Growing up I used to think feminists were crazy, that women have equal everything and feminists were just making a big deal over nothing. Now I know that isn't true. Whether its sexual harassment, blaming the victim in rape cases, physical/verbal/emotional abuse, body judgement, and/or the inequality in pay, I see how much things still need to change. I am passionate about this and I am proud of it. I want to help, I want to help things change and get better.

2. I am a badass bitch. This means, I don't take shit. I don't let people walk all over me. I am direct and that is a good thing. I am crass and confident, and that is a good thing. I swear up a storm and make dirty jokes, and that is a good thing too. It's good because it's me. It's me being true.

3. I am sensitive and emotional and these are assets. I am compassionate and loving. I cry a lot, and this isn't a weakness. I can be hyper-connected and sense others emotions even when they are trying to hide them, I think this is something I can use (and do use) to care for others. I think this is a gift, and I want to treat it as such.

4. I put myself first. This may seem selfish, but it's not. Everyone should put themselves first. It doesn't mean you have to be an asshole, in fact, it usually means you can give more because you are full. I take care of myself. I am not afraid to say that I need space, or take time out for me. I have learned how important this is the hard way, I use to wear myself to the ground to please others and do what I thought others wanted me to do, it messed me up bad. Now I know I come first, and that is good.

5. I am sexy/cute/gorgeous. Ok this one is still a huge struggle. Last year I started wearing dresses almost every day. It works for me, it helps me feel like I am caring for myself. I do it for me. I wear what I want when I want and it's ok to think I look good. It isn't being vain or immodest to think these things. I am still ashamed of the way I look most of the time, but good lord am I working on it! I have fashion goals--things I want to be brave enough to wear, like red lipstick, puffy dresses, and no leggings. The whole thing about this is that I am expressing myself how I want to, and doing what works for me.

6. We are facing our infertility issues. This morning I got my lab work done, and I had an MRI last month to see what's going on. We got some results and they aren't good yet. But I am opening myself to the idea that I will be a mother one day. It's scary. It's hard. It breaks my heart to struggle this much. But I am keeping up hope.

7. I am kicking ass fighting my depression. I am working so hard at this. I go to therapy twice a week and everyday is a struggle, but I'm doing it. I'm pushing through.

8. I'm taking care of myself physically. I'm working out, and eating a lot better. There is still more to do, but I'm making progress. I judge myself so harshly about the way I look physically, it's pretty bad. But I am trying to have self-compassion...which is something I am not that great at yet. For me it's about being strong and feeling good. That is what I want.

9. I'm letting myself have fun. Like so much fun. I'm not afraid to rest, or look silly. I would rather have an amazing experience than keep it together. This weekend R and I drank pink champagne right out of the bottle. It seems so little but that was a big deal for me. I did something a little silly. We were just in pjs on the couch watching Mad Men, but we had a great time being ridiculous together, and it's something I would normally never do.

10. I am crafting a lot. I love it and have so many plans in the works! My shop is up and running and I feel great about it. With everything I make I feel more positive and excited. I feel like I can do and make and be successful.


There is still a lot of work to be done, but I am feeling better than I have in a long time. I have ups and downs, but every day I keep going. 

What are some things you are doing to be true to yourself and grow?

xo, C


some goodies



Hi Loves!

We got a bit of a tax return this year, so on top of paying of a bunch of debt we also kept a bit to spoil ourselves. Ronald got a few bottles of whiskey, and I got this dress and ring. I've been wanting the ring for ages and think it is absolutely dreamy! Can't wait to try it on (should arrive tomorrow!).

I woke up before five this morning from bad sleep. I've been cleaning and enjoying the garden. I almost got up and painted my nails at three which would have been a very sleepy mess of a mistake. 

A few other things:

I've been wanting to get acrylic nails but realized that all the hammer use for making stuff for Hungry Bunnies would really mess them up. I'm a mess generally so adding more steps to my day is a terrible idea!

Speaking of the shop, some new things will be up soon. Including some cool polaroid photo type plaques with tons of flowers, so keep an eye out!

I am going to show off my legs this Summer. Oh lord, I can't believe I just said that! But for reals, this legging thing is kind of ridiculous when it's hot out. My legs can't be that fucking scary...right? Wish me luck.

I'm going to get back to writing. Once a week at the French cafe' I will drink espresso and write my heart out (I hope). 

So that's it. Let's get shit done!

xo, C


garden time

We set up my garden last weekend and I love it! I also got my first rose bush which for some reason makes me feel really grown up.

We have tomatoes, strawberries, bush beans, carrots, corn, green onion, squash, cucumber, peppers, and a selection of herbs. Our squirrel (or our one orange pup) has already stolen some veggies...we aren't sure the exact culprit. This weekend we are getting a little white fence to put around the beds to keep that orange pup out, at least!

I feel so calm in the garden. I sit on our swing in the heat of the lush Spring day and sway back and forth staring at the goodness before me. Dreaming of making cocktails with our lemons and herbs, and cooking with the veggies. It's magic to grow something.

Amelia gets very busy in the garden. She eats the dropped seeds from the bird feeder, and wanders across the old red deck, nose to the floor, sniffing and hunting for anything interesting or edible. She loves it. The pups love Spring as it means the door is left open and plenty of outdoor mischief.

R has taken the week off work. Even with the week off, we have been busy doing this and that, and helping me through some intense anxiety and down spells. Today we are headed to the zoo and I can't wait! Then the beach this weekend...the best place on earth.

xo, C


Shop grand opening!

Hungry Bunnies
Hi Loves,

So it took some guts but my shop is now open for business! I hope you like the goodies, let me know what you think and take a look!

It's been so fun to make these and I have a lot more in the works. I'm waiting for some velvet ribbon to come in the mail and tons of feathers! It's been a little too much fun. I made about fifteen last week alone! I spend most mornings at my desk hammering away. I think one of my favorite things is going to the craft store to buy supplies. At the craft store my cart overflows with faux flowers and I feel a little nuts, but then knowing what I am using them for gets me smiley and giggly. I love making these!

xo, C


My body is my own

circus girl
So I've been seeing a personal trainer for a little over a month after encouragement from my therapist.  During a wake up call moment my therapist told me to "lose the weight" it both infuriated and encouraged me. It still pisses me off to be honest. But also feels like a dare, like I want to say "I'll show you I can lose the weight!" kind of thing. I also feel like my weight is none of his goddamn business.

The personal training has been scary as fuck. I have social anxiety, terrible body image issues, and wearing stretchy clothes and working out in a room full of women doing aerobics, while some fifty something year old man coaches me to push harder is terrifying. It's awful and I wouldn't recommend it, but I would because I feel so fucking great afterwards. It's like a big "fuck you" to my anxiety. After each workout I text Ronald a big "I did it!" from the parking lot. 

This has also raised some serious issues for me. I have realized I eat all wrong. I go on starving myself most of the day. I am proud of myself for skipping meals and I restrict a lot. It's so bad that at my last workout I almost puked and fainted due to low blood sugar. I had to stop my workout and drink a v8 while my trainer sat with me for 30 minutes making sure I was ok, I even had to text him that I got home ok, he asked if he could drive me home as he was so worried I would pass out. This was not a happy moment for me as I am no quitter. I don't stop mid-workout. I don't stop mid-anything that I really want. I fucking get it done. Tuesday I left thinking I failed.

Now when I eat I look at my food and think "Dan would hate that I'm eating this." (Dan is my trainer). I heard this yesterday while I ate one chicken wing and drank a beer. I hear this at every meal. I feel guilty beyond belief and there is a new layer of shitty judgment in my head. Then I realized something yesterday. My body is my own. 

My body, what I eat, how strong I am, my weight, the way I feel in my favorite outfit, the way I feel in my body, whether or not I want to lose weight, whether or not I lose a pound, what I had for dinner---all of this is my own and really nobody's business! I hate talking about my body to anyone. I hate the "have you lost weight?" comments, or any comment on my body. It really is my business, no one else's. 

So I've given myself a new challenge. To do what I want with my body. If I want to get strong (which I do), I'm going to get really fucking strong. I am going to lift the 12 pound weights over my head, ride my bike, and kick some serious ass. I'm going to be bolder in what I wear instead of hiding behind my clothes and being overly modest, or hiding. I'm going to eat what I want, to fuel my body. I'm not counting another calorie or justifying why I am allowed to eat something. I can eat whatever I want. I am responsible for my body. I am in charge and I'm sick of feeling guilty even when I eat broccoli. 

I feel horrible about my body all the time. I feel disgusting, like people look at me in disgust. I feel ugly and not sexy and not good enough. It really is bullshit and I'm fucking tired of it. I'm tired of going to the doctor and even when I tell them I am working on my physical health they send me home with print outs on obesity. I'm tired of justifying and proving. So I have a new thought for my doctors "shut the fuck up!". I am no longer going to be weighed at the doctors office. I know how much I weigh. It's no ones business but mine. 

This is all hugely empowering for me. And yet I still want to whisper to everyone "is this ok?", "is it ok for me to feel sexy when I'm overweight?", "is it ok for me to be confident?", "is it ok for me to eat this?". Please don't answer. I don't need your answer. I will answer these questions myself with a resounding "Yes!". 

This is my body. What people think of how I look or how healthy I am or what I eat is their issue. Saying that makes me feel like a riot girl. 

So yeah. I would be so happy if you took a moment and a deep breath and said to yourself "my body is my own, and I'm ok.", please do it, it feels fucking great.

xo, C


ten lately things

Hi lovely friends,

Here are some happenings, thinkies, and wishes as of late...

1. I want to go on a little Monterey vacation. This photograph is of a sunset from the hotel we stay at, it's right on the beach and amazing!

2. I am on a Catherine-cation! I have nothing scheduled for a week and I am over the moon about it. I am going to craft and work on the shop, propagate some succulents, set up my garden (finally), and take myself on a coffee date.

3. For dinner yesterday I made pulled pork, bruschetta, and roasted vegetables. It was so yummy but the kitchen was a mess this morning as I was too tired to clean up last night.

4. I'm getting my haircut tomorrow. I'm really nervous because I hate looking in mirrors and people messing with my hair or anything. Eek. Luckily my mother-in-law is joining me for a little motherly support.

5. I've half-convinced myself that the vintage dresser I found for four bucks at the thrift store is cursed. Ever since we moved it into our bedroom I've had trouble sleeping and I just get bad vibes from it. I'm ridiculous...but I really want to throw it away (R is going to hate me for this).

6. It's about time for me to wear eyeshadow again. I used to love doing up my eyes, but by-golly getting ready every day can be exhausting! Going to try to at least wear it on the weekends and doll up. I want to dress like a pinup every day but that seems like some hard work!

7. R and I are having a stay-cation next week! On the agenda is a trip to the zoo, rest, and lots of tv. We are so lazy and I love it. So glad that fella thinks I'm cute in my sweatpants and messy hair! If he didn't I'd just punch him and force him to say I'm cute, so it's a win-win.

8. I'm going to start eating eggs. I hate eggs! You have no idea how much...but I have so little variety of proteins in my diet and don't like a lot of meat so I am going to try to like them...I had planned on making scrambled eggs this morning but chickened out (pun haha), and ended up having yogurt. I'm a wuss, especially when it comes to trying new foods. 

9. R and I are learning Portuguese for Lisbon. Just the basics. We are using the app Duolingo which is free and super easy to use, we do the lessons together and I kind of hate that R is way better at it than I am, yes, I'm super competitive. I want to pack and leave for Lisbon today. So excited! 

10. I'm reading The Feminine Mystique and holy crap everyone should read it (guys too). It is super empowering and yeah, a great call to action for me to build my own life. Feminism for the win!