Friday Notes

So it's been a crazy week. Lots of stress and worry. But things are settling. I have a sneaky suspicion that everything is going to be coming up roses soon, so I'm crossing my arms and fingers and toes and wearing my hair in braids just for luck. ;)

Now it's sweatpants and my favorite striped t-shirt, an old movie, and snuggles with my three dolly pups. The windows are open and the wind chimes are ringing like too many church-bells. One of my favorite sounds ever.

I'm hoping for some good days, routine, rest, writing, time in the sun, and an organized closet (especially the last one!). There is so much damn shit to deal with every day that I sort of lose track of all the little things I want to do that make me feel like a real person. I hope I can get some of that real gritty-good living stuff back.

I'm planning on getting a little patio table and chairs so I can have breakfast outside during the week. I love being outside but the heat is so rotten. I'm a little winter bird I suppose.

It's time for good things and gardening. Cocktails on the porch swing with R, and a good outfit day.

Happy weekend. Let's hope for the best.


I like things.

Hi Buttercup-darlings.

How are you? I miss you. R, me, and the three monster-pups are cuddled up on our makeshift sectional in the living room. It's hot out but cool and snug inside. Twinkle lights around the fireplace are lit and there are a bunch of flowers on the coffee table.

Things have been stressful, but might be calming down. It's been a long week! Trying to do my best to rest when I can.

Oh and I have caught the art journal bug. Not the Project Life, or scrapbook bug, which I do occasionally but never really feel like it's "me". I want to fill journals with watercolor-washes, magazine clippings, words, and inky messes.

We are going to Orlando in a little over a week (Ronald has a work conference and I'm hopping along), I thought this would be a great time to mess around with an art journal. I have a travel set of watercolors, and am going to go through my magazines for clippings so I can set up a little envelope of goodies. Do you journal or art journal? Any tips or advice on the best products/techniques?

Without further adieu, here are some things I like:

Have you heard of Bright Nest? I'm sort of obsessed with it! It has tons of tips on home-life
in all kinds of categories. You can schedule the projects you want to do, save your favorites, and even keep track of what you want to do in each room of your house or apartment.

This dress is the best.

I don't bake anymore (I miss it!), but I love this cake pan.

All I've been wanting to do in the afternoons is watch Baby Boom with Diane Keaton.
We don't own it so I haven't been watching it, but It is so cute and funny! If you haven't
seen it, you really should. (I think I already posted about this, but it's so good I can't help it.)

This iPad sleeve is awesome! They also make it in iPad mini, and iPhone size!

I've seen these a lot online, but not in this copper color. I love it! I would love to fill it with plants, knowing our house though, it would probably end up being full of dog toys!


Friday notes


Things have been really awful-bad and bad-awful. I'm kind of a messy disaster but am trying. So here are some little notes for the week.

1. My plants are growing happily in the sun. One of my all time favorite parts of each day is watering them in the evening before it gets dark. The dogs pounce about the yard and I love the smell of water from a hose, and feeling the spray on my feet.

2. Cricket! Last night she fell off the couch and started growling as if she was being attacked and pushed off. She fell on a pillow,  it was so hilarious!

Also, she LOVES getting her picture taken! Whenever I have my camera out, she rushes up and sits in front of me. She always is so proud of herself when she sits (first thing we taught her). I think she considers herself a superhero...she is awesome.

3. This mini bird house my nephews Liam and Sam painted for me. I love it so much and am going to hang it on a wall in my art space. They live in Colorado with my niece and brother and sister-in-law. I miss them lots!

4. Peonies are in full force right now. I bought so many at the market and am so in love. They smell like heaven and are exactly what I need on a bad day.

5. I finally ordered business cards. I am going to actually start building my career as an artist. Here's to hope and courage.

6. Oh, and I got this bad-ass letterhead. For "Dear Editor, please publish my poem" type notes.

7. My adorable nephew Jonas (JoJo) said "I love you Auntie C!" to my sister this week. This is the first time he said I love you on his own without responding to someone saying it to him. I'm his Auntie C, so this made me incredibly happy and melty!

8. Three day weekend with my doll-face, who just had a birthday (will share pictures soon!). We are going to do some home projects and have a bbq with my in-laws. Fun and fun.


So yeah. Life is life. And it's both shitty and good. I get scared and am sick, but then ok. I hate being sick, and I so want to live my life. A full life. A Catherine life. I hope it works. I hope I can do it.


Live In volume 1- Rear Window

Dear Sweets,

I'm starting a new feature on the blog called "Live In". I will share movies, pictures, or any other place I would love to live in, and my personal interpretation of what it would be like. No clue how often I will do this, but I'll share when I can.

First up is one of my favorite movies, Rear Window. I am a huge Alfred Hitchcock fan, and can seriously watch his movies every day (I usually do actually!). Grace Kelly is stunning and James Stewart is one of my favorite actors ever. 

I love the cozy yet public apartments as everyone leaves their curtains open due to the Summer heat. We only get small peaks of James Stewarts apartment, but the little I see, I love. He is a photographer for magazines and has photos of his adventures everywhere. Grace Kelly's outfits are totally brilliant (designed by Edith Head, of course...who could be better?), and James' nurse, who visits to check on his leg, has the best rye humor ever. 

One of the many amazing talents of Hitchcock's is to create an elaborate and deep story without changing locations. I don't think the movie leaves the apartment once. Everything is seen from James' perspective, stuck in his apartment, peaking out the window. One of my favorite scenes is of the ballerina in one apartment eating fried chicken and slices of white sandwich bread in her bloomers while doing PliĆ©s. And I love the windows of the struggling piano composers apartment (Hitchcock makes his appearance there, adjusting the time on a mantle clock). Oh, and there is a cute dog, and well...I can't give it all away. ;)

If you haven't seen this movie yet,  I highly recommend it! Below are some scenes from the movie, and my modern interpretation.

So what do you think of the new feature? More soon! Happy weekend!


as of late

Hi Loves!

Things have been quiet around here. Some of my meds are being rapidly reduced and I am going through crazy withdrawals. Worst headaches ever, tummy aches, trouble sleeping, mood swings, and more fibromyalgia pain as my body freaks out with even the smallest change.

All of this is happening in order to save my life. I have been extremely suicidal and it's been getting worse and worse, so we are doing some quick changes in hopes of getting me stable. I'm really hoping it helps, and if it does, these side effects are totally worth going through.

In my ok moments I have been working on building my container garden (still have more to plant!), snuggling R, taking naps with the pups, and living in my favorite pjs.

On the weekend, Ronald and I moved things around in our living room. Our couch keeps breaking so we have been running out of places to sit. We moved our daybed up against the part of the couch that works to create a makeshift sectional. It's nice to be able to lay in the daybed and still be near R, and the dogs are so happy to have room to stretch out. It cuts the room in half, but for now it works and feels cozy.

Other than that I'm doing a whole bunch of nothing. I can't wait to feel more like myself and get back to my life. Hopefully things will improve soon.

Miss you. More soon...


home morning

"Down by the riverside motel, it’s ten below and falling. By the 99 cent store, She closed her eyes and started  swaying. But it’s so hard to dance that way, when it’s cold and there’s no music. Oh your old hometown’s so far away, but inside your head there’s a record that’s playing a song called hold on, hold on, you gotta hold on. Take my hand, standing right here, you gotta hold on." 

-Tom Waits


I am having a hard time

Hello Love.

Things have been really hard the last few weeks. I'm incredibly sad and feel like a total failure. No matter how hard I try, the sense of failure won't go away.

I am realizing I am a caretaker. At my lowest points last week I forced myself to take care of something. I made ice pops for the dogs (water, sliced strawberries, and blueberries),  took care of my plants, and started working on the garden. All of these things, even though they were simple, helped me tremendously.

I am also realizing that to be a caretaker I have to take care of myself first. It's really hard, but when I am suicidal or considering self-harm (which has creeped back into my life), I force myself to care for myself instead. I can't tell you how hard this has been, as my level of self-hatred is at it's worst in those moments, but I am proving to myself every day how strong I am. And I am proud of that.

I am lonely most of the time. Ronald is busy during the week, and I have trouble getting out and seeing friends, or being in groups. I love being alone, but there is only so much alone I can take. I go out by myself a lot and whenever I see friends together I nearly burst into tears.

I am also incredibly frustrated about some of the things in my daily life. Most of it pertaining to our house. Whether it is our broken couch, or messy spare rooms, I so want an environment I feel comfortable in. Now that Ronald is done with school we have time to work on the house, which is really exciting.

My pain levels are more managed, and I'm trying to get in shape. I love exercising (never thought I would say that!), but the pain it causes me is not fun. It takes so much motivation to workout when I know I am going to be in pain for at least 24 hours. I also want to eat all the junk food in the world, but that's another story for another day. ;)

I sort of know what I need to be doing creatively, but I'm scared. I find that I get super encouraged and motivated after therapy twice a week, but then I flatline and go back to being discouraged. It is something my therapist and I are working on, but that swing of emotion twice a week is exhausting and crippling.

This morning the birds are chirping and a woodpecker is beating it's lucky rhythm. It's cool and bright, Spring in full motion. And I hurt inside, and my nose tickles from a cold, but it's ok...I tell myself, it's ok.


garden pioneer

I have caught the garden bug (along with a cold!). My mother-in-law is an amazing gardener, her yard is one of my favorite places to be without a doubt. My sister is also gardening (check out her blog, she is awesome and has the cutest son!). She has built and planted a huge bed of vegetables and is planning on getting some chickens! 

Photo notes:

Yesterday I hung up this gorgeous bird feeder (Target for the win!).

Me and the dog and the slippers.

I love the color of our deck, even with it is falling apart and being full of nails that are popping  out (ouch!) it’s still beautiful.

Plant shopping in the 90 degree heat yesterday. Fuchsia to hang in the front yard. Reminds me of Disneyland.

This succulent is incredible! It has a bunch of these flowers growing wildly out of it. 

Flowers and color ready to be planted in this amazing cedar wood planter (and some tomatoes).

Love this grassy thing, no idea what it is but want to have pots full of it. Understated and modern.

While buying the plants yesterday, the sort of strange 40-something checker told me I had great taste in plants. Made my day. He also said "copacetic".

The violets see you.

Our roses took a beating this week in the heat, still pretty. Don’t mind the weird spots on the leaves, they need some work.

Our liquid amber tree is a giant! Also a good view of our street which is seriously one lane…not fun on garbage day!

The house and more pictures of my slippers…I’m smitten with them (have two matching pairs and might by more...trouble!).


Okay, my little garden gnomes, it's time to start the day. More soon...