8/23/13

Friday wrap up






The week in review:

1. I knocked over a metal sign at Starbucks. I was so embarrassed and almost started crying once I left. Yeah, I'm that silly.

2. One day this week it was 103! But it's been cooling down so nicely at night that I'm able to fall asleep next to our open bedroom window listening to the wind rustle the leaves of the huge tree in our front yard.

3. Our pumpkin patch is really growing. We have three pumpkins that are huge and ripening fast and one already off the vine resting on our dining room table. Don't ask how we have a pumpkin patch, we have no idea. We do know that for Halloween we are going to have the most sincere pumpkin patch so the Great Pumpkin will pay us a visit! ;)

4. I've been sitting out in the backyard some mornings. I love watching the dogs stare suspiciously at the squirrels walking the telephone wire, and how Amelia and Cricket run around like bandits. Also, Isabelle went to the groomer yesterday and looks smashing. 

5. We decorated our living room walls Saturday and I'm totally in love. I still have to do all the tabletop decoration and there is a ton of clutter, but I will post some pictures soon. One wall is a family wall. It has a picture of R and I, pictures of dogs that remind us of our pups, and some other art that portrays who we are and want to be.

6. I had a fibro flare up. It was pretty bad, and I'm still dealing with a lot of pain. Especially tension headaches and pain in my legs. I'm using peppermint aromatherapy oil and it actually helps relieve some of the tension.

7. I found out I have a UTI (I will use another acronym here: TMI...sorry). I've had it for weeks and just didn't realize it, I'm on strong antibiotics, and can't drink alcohol or eat anything dairy. Good thing I went to the market yesterday and stocked up on greek yogurt and cereal...whoops.

8. I've decided to transform our dining room into a sunny art studio. It will still be able to function as a dining room for a dinner party or if Ron and I want to have a little dinner for two. We will add the extra leaf to our round dining table and it will be nice to have space to spread out when I paint. I have an easel, and I'm going to move in a bookshelf to store stuff (possibly my bubble gum pink one from Ikea, which will look crazy cool against the mint walls), and I will change the curtains to my favorites which I happen to have an extra pair of. So excited! My plant collection is in that room on a table in the sun. Those plants are my babies so it will be nice to see them more often than when I just happen to walk in the room to let the dogs outside.

9. My therapist/psychiatrist wants me to start making and selling my art in some way. How cool is it to have a doctor that actually encourages me to be an artist?!?! I'm going to bring in a portfolio of some of the things I've made or ideas of things I want to make. I am super nervous to sell stuff, but I think I can challenge myself to make more things. I have so many ideas in my head, it's kind of nuts. I don't know if I can succeed at all the things I want to do, but I can try.

10. I've started planning our anniversary celebration. It's our ten year and we are going to go to the beach where we got engaged. We are going to renew our vows. I'm quite excited, and have a ton of ideas brewing. I'm also going to bake us a special cake. Not sure of the recipe yet, but should be fun.

How was your week?

Love, C

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8/20/13

losing color


In the midst of a fibromyalgia flare up. It's really not fun. Especially because I don't have a primary care doctor, or rheumatologist that gives a shit or has any interest in treating my fibromyalgia. So I can't contact any dr. to get help during a flare up. I have been put on a basic pain medication and that's it. Luckily, my psychiatrist is awesome and has put me on Lyrica which has helped my pain a lot.

I am actually going outside my insurance coverage for care after trying over three doctors for treatment of my fibromyalgia on my current insurance. The thing is, it is really hard to get an appointment with a good doctor. I made an appointment to see a rheumatologist in the beginning of July and my appointment isn't until September 26th! I've called some other doctors and they aren't accepting new patients. I really just don't know what else to do. I can't believe it is this difficult to get proper care of a chronic pain condition, it's crazy!

I still haven't come to terms with having fibro. I want to pretend I don't have it. I push myself way (way) too hard. I do things no matter how much pain I am in because I know they need to get done. I don't like having limits. I don't like asking for help, or being able to not do something, so I push so damn hard and I end up paying for it later. I seriously won't stop doing things until I physically can't do them, and even then I still do too much.

I currently can't do much of anything. It sucks so much. I am so frustrated and sad. So the kitchen is a mess and the entire house is cluttered. I can hardly shower and we don't have a bathtub that works well enough to use on my own. On top of it all, I have prescriptions to fill, appointments to go to, calls to make, and grocery shopping. How do people do this? I seriously need a nanny.

Love, C
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8/19/13

Crazy Cricket






Holy moses! This Cricket-girl is the craziest, sweetest, most well-behaved, kissiest, stinkiest, silliest, slithering, smiling, long-legged monster dog on earth! She is such a puppy even though she is almost two years old. She pounces and bounds, eats anything off the floor (plastic, cloth, sticks, dryer lint), takes up every inch of space her 30 pounds can possibly take in the bed, and is both scared and brave at the same time.

When we first rescued her she was terrified of everything but me. I was her safe thing. Then she met our other pups and our black lab Amelia started taking care of her like a mommy-dog would. It was/is so cute! Cricket is gaining more and more independence. She still gets scared a lot but is doing better at facing her fears.

I can't believe we have had her for almost a year! She looks so much happier and healthier compared to how she looked in my introductory post from last year. To be honest, things were bumpy for a while once we got her. We would never ever give her up, but we were really struggling and didn't know if she would ever be rehabilitated from her past (we have no info on her past but think she was abused). Now she fits in our family swimmingly and I could not imagine life without her.

Aww Cricket! I love you and your slobbery kisses!

xx, C
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8/17/13

morning things







I am most productive and yet most depressed in the mornings. I don't know how that works. I think I get to doing things to avoid how unbelievably sad I feel. 

Things are still really up and down. I have a few good moments followed by a sudden onset of suicidal thoughts or really awful anxiety, and then I start to feel better again.

Yesterday R got me flowers on his way home from work. They are gorgeous and he is the sweetest.

He is with me this weekend which is wonderful. We are going to decorate the house. Since we have painted we haven't put anything on the walls, so it's way overdue. 

Anyway, it's time to get the day started.

Love, C

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