and the moon sees me

This is the third time in my life that I can say I'm not depressed. It has been a long and bumpy road. I've wanted to give up so many times. But I'm glad I'm here now to enjoy this time of peace.

I don't really know how to explain the sheer amazement I experience each non-depressed day. Its like I went from living in a dark cave to being outside on a clear sunny day. I can find joy again. I can find rest (sometimes). The things I do every day feel less redundant. I'm able to get things done and be creative. I'm able to be social again. I'm able to feel a connection with people, rather than pretending I feel it.

I sleep better. I have more self-control. I want to go for walks and be active. I don't want to die. I feel like I might be able to make a life for myself that is more than just survival. 

This isn't to say that things are peachy. I still fight the thoughts that want to take me back to the dark. But I use my skills to move forward and keep them at bay. There is a constant rumble in my head and a little bit of fear that it will come back. But through mindfulness I'm able to be in the present moment much of the time. I also experience physical pain on a daily basis from fibromyalgia. But I try my best to not let it hold me back.

I am learning to slow down and enjoy. I'm able to have a cup of coffee or read without being overcome with emotion. It's a weird and wonderful state of being for me right now. 

I'm building my life, my own life. I'm not following any rules. I follow my values and stay true to myself first. I feel free, and brave, and steady. I sense potential. Life is sort of exciting, even mundane is exciting...and holy shit is writing that sentence exciting!

So this is what it feels like. And this is good.

xox, C


Australia adventure part one-- Museum of Modern Art

Hi Loves!

I think its about time I shared some pictures of our trip to Brisbane. The first day I had to myself I ventured across the river to an art museum. I didn't know what to expect as I have never been to an art museum...(I know, crazy). I had a blast wondering around on my own, and I just about wanted to buy the entire gift shop! Here's a little storyboard of my day.

On our balcony ready to go.

Trusty mary janes (from Urban Outfitters) and leggings.

Skeleton hands in my hair. I love these and want to wear them every day!

This geometric awning was across the street from our hotel. I love it!

The primary statue outside the museum. It makes me feel so heavy and downtrodden.

Cool motel sign art.

Got there a little early so sat on a bench and journaled.

Love the art museum siding!

The brokenness of this piece and the vibrant colors are such a contrast.

These nudes in clouds were some of my favorites!

Especially this cotton candy pink one.

This piece was so sad and lovely. The small print says, "Last new years eve he stayed home alone sniffing amyl".

My favorite section was the Aborigine art for sure.
I thought this was suede, but it's actually paint!

This is all paint too, the detail is amazing!

This reminds me of a birds nest or a fascinator.

Love these. Reminds me of tents, ghosts, mummies, cocoons...lots of things. 
I feel like people are going to just pop right out of them.

Beads. The shadow is awesome too.

These guys were so cool! Love the white feathers.

Lots of feathers and lovely things.

After the museum, I sat at the outdoor cafe and relaxed. 
I also enjoyed this adorable carrot cake that was so yummy!

I wasn't allowed to photograph the main exhibit, which was a showcase of Japanese fashion. It was amazing! I so wish I could have taken some pieces home...thievery is frowned upon in Australia (weird).


I will share more of our Australia adventures soon. Even baby kangaroos! So stay tuned!

xox, C

ps- let me know what you think about all this art.


morning routine

Here's my little morning routine. I wake up between six and seven and make some coffee and cereal. Then I usually watch an episode of Seinfeld or Gilmore Girls since it takes me a few minutes to really  wake up. I take my pills and journal. I write about how I'm feeling, what I did the previous day, and some notes and plans. I also do an online French lesson every few mornings.

I usually end up making a list...or two...or three (obsessed--for sure). Then I get up and do the dishes. I love our kitchen and its magic watching the birds flutter to the bird feeder in the window. Then its time to make the bed, fold the mound of blankets in the living room (lord, is it cold already!), and shower and dress for the day.

I end up heading out to the market for groceries, therapy, or other appointments, and in the Spring I'll be heading out to school!


I really have been focusing on the ritualistic quality of daily tasks. Things I used to dread, like making the bed, or doing dishes, are now moments to savor. There is something little and beautiful in most everything if I just look for it. It makes everything a little brighter.

And if you have an outdoor space, I highly recommend getting a bird feeder. We have two and get so many songbirds! Types of birds I have never seen before fly in for a nibble, and it really is the best.


What's something you love about your morning routine?

xox, C


something looks different 'round here!

So, as you can see the blog has changed once again. Even though the previous design was a looker, I was so unhappy with the functionality of it that I started losing my cool. I couldn't even figure out how to scroll through my own posts! So it was time for a quick change.

Sorry for the crazy around here! Normal nonsense will commence post-haste.

xox, C


holiday brainstorm

The last few holiday seasons I have felt like a sad worm. I am not in the spirit and I can't feel it. I can't feel the sentiment, the ease, the present. I try so hard to feel it, but no matter how much I do, I end up ruminating on how my try-to-feel feels aren't working.

So I've decided this year I'm doing something different, I'm going to make it. I'm going to make the holidays. Instead of trying to feel the sentiment I'm going to make the sentiment. Instead of dreaming of the things we have done, I'm going to do new things. So now whether I feel it or not, I did it. I participated. I didn't wait to be swept away by visions of sugar plums, I made the fucking sugar plums (well not really), but you get the point.

So that's it. And it's going to be good. I'm super pumped. I'm already getting my Christmas craft plans together. I'm making these badass glitter feathers too, by the way. Oh. And I have a cold. But it's holiday time, so it's ok.

How about you? Do you have some fun holiday plans or traditions?

Love, C 


And we're back!

We are back home and tired to all hell. Jet lag is a bitch, but being back in our tender little home feels great! Plus, we are back with the crazy pups, and it's wonderful.

I'm tired and am not sure if I have a cold coming on or if it is just jet lag. Last night we went to sleep around 6:30 pm. Crazy!

Now that we are home, I'm busy shopping for groceries, paying bills, cleaning, and setting up appointments. Not all fun, but all necessary for normal life. There is always more to do but I am happy to be in a routine.

I really want to add more creative time to my days. One thing that I have to quit is the naps. Meds, fibro, and mood swings make me constantly exhausted. But napping really isn't helping me in the long run, so it has to stop. I've planned on quitting cold turkey next week, since this week I'm a jet lag bot.

Once the naps stop, I'm going to have time every afternoon to make things, Christmas crafts and baking are high on the list. I can also read, write and work on home projects. I am also going to start walking in the mornings and I can't wait to enjoy the Autumn weather in a more intimate way.

I'm making some changes to the blog. I hope they will be positive and fun. Stay tuned for some new features, and a more regular posting routine.

xox, C


le femme lit

I've always wanted to speak French. When I was a teenager I found a vintage pair of French verse poetry books. I would sit on my spindle bed, with the door closed reading the poems in French and then English. I had no idea how to pronounce anything but I loved it!

So now at nearly thirty-one, I've finally started learning. I did my first lesson today (through Rosetta Stone) and it was so much fun. Challenging but just knowing I am learning again is the best feeling.

Au revoir my loves!



pie face

We discovered Pie Face this morning. It isn't even a cafe or shop, it's more like a bakery case and coffee maker stuffed between two high rises.