Learnings at 30

I've learned a lot in my thirties (and they've only just started!). It's amazing how clarity comes with age. That rumble busy worry of my twenties is fading out and I can live slowly and simply. Not all the time, but sometimes, and it's the best. I thought I would share a few of the things I have learned so far.

Nature is my biggest passion. Whether its cuddling the dogs, bird watching, caring for my plants, or going to the ocean. Those are the things that bring me back to myself and help me feel alive. I always downplayed how much nature meant to me. But now I want to sing songs about it and dance like a gypsy woman!

Don't take on the judgment of others, it's a weight I cannot carry. If I let it stop me from being myself, I will get incredibly depressed. Since I've "come out" I have experienced an amazing change in the way I live my life. I'm not as afraid anymore. I realize now, it wasn't the act of coming out, it was the act of standing up to my fear of judgement and then realizing that judgement looks like a terrible enormous monster, but it's really just a mirage. If you don't take it, it doesn't exist. That is easy to say,  extremely hard to live, but it's true.

It's ok to be a "bad girl". I learned at a young age that there were certain things women must do and not do. Wearing red lipstick, speaking up, looking sexy, or calling yourself a pinup or feminist were huge no-no's. Now I am proud to stand up for myself, to call myself a feminist and speak out on issues that matter, to wear short skirts, and red lipstick all day (holla!). It's great and I have found so much freedom in my self expression. I curse like a sailor and love telling dirty jokes. I used to panic that people would think I wasn't feminine. Then I remembered that I am me, and being myself matters more than any label on earth or anyone's opinion of me. I used to know that concept was true, but it was like a fact from a book, I didn't connect with it. Now I know it. I soul know, heart know, brain know, and that makes a big difference.

I don't care about what people think as much. Someone says I shouldn't eat a cookie? I eat the cookie if I want to. This shirt shows my back rolls? Who gives a fuck? Back rolls exist (and it's a Batman shirt so must wear). Someone disagrees with what I'm saying? That's cool, we can disagree and I don't have to worry about convincing them. Someone has a comment about the way I live my life. Ok---I can listen and if it isn't beneficial let it go. 

This is the ease of living in my thirties. It is soulful and I'm more in tune with myself than I have ever been. I am convinced that much of my depression has dissipated due to learning these lessons. They were hard things to learn, they are still hard to remember and live, but holy shit it's worth it to work hard to live a full life. 

If you are unhappy with the way you feel or how your life is going, don't just give in and settle, fight for the life you want, fight to feel good! You deserve it! If you don't know what's wrong or what to do, ask for help! Work on yourself and for what you want, it's so worth it. It's scary, but it's more scary to live a life unfulfilled. 

If you ever want to talk about life things, feels, whatever. I am always here (and I mean that), just send me a note and I'd love to chat with you!

I love this quote from Charles Bukowski. It kind of makes me want to cry...

"People are strange.
  They are constantly angered by trivial things,
  But on a major matter
  Like totally wasting their lives,
  They hardly seem to notice." 

xo, C

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