and again...

Oh crap. I'm depressed again. The worst part is when I can still remember the good feelings of just last week.

I forced myself out to my cafe' and I feel nothing but self-conscious. The coffee is bland and I don't care about the view. It just doesn't matter, it just hurts.

We are going to Monterey tomorrow through the weekend. Ron is teaching two classes but we have the weekend to ourselves. I was so excited about this trip, but now it's dull. I packed this morning and just feel nothing about it other than trying to remember what to bring.

I want to go back to bed. But even there sleep is an enemy.

I hate depression because it isn't me. I am a lively, excited, passionate person. But when I'm depressed I'm none of those things, in fact, I'm quite the opposite.

I'm so sad right now, because I can still remember what it's like to feel good. Dammit.


  1. And that's the worst… being able to remember feeling well and knowing that your'e just not there right now. I'm sorry. It sucks. Take comfort in the trite cliche of "this too shall pass", knowing it to be truth.


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