4/21/13

notes


Friday was rough. I had therapy and as I walked in the parking lot to my car I was hit by a horrible panic attack. Luckily Ronald was with me to drive me home. The panic lasted about two hours and I completely freaked out. I felt like I was losing my mind. The panic ran itself out after a while. I was left exhausted.

The next day we headed to Vegas for a vacation. I was a bit of a mess packing in the morning but I got through it and even survived a plane ride which usually freaks me out. 

And now we are here. In our hotel room, waking up. I feel kind of strange being here. I feel like such a mess. I don't really want to do anything but rest or play video poker. It feels kind of silly to be in such an artificial place when I feel so heavy-hearted, sad, and overwhelmed. 

But Ronald is here. And he helps me oh so. Last night we had bourbons in a little lounge before heading up to our room. It was nice and we talked about things. It made me feel a little better. He is wonderful and gets it, which is pretty amazing. I felt like I might be able to get though the year, which at the moment is a big deal.

It's another day. And that means I am still here. I hope one day to not have to count the days as survival, but that they will blur and go unnoticed as I am finally enjoying life.

xx, C

4 comments:

  1. Glad you have Ronald as your best friend and husband. Enjoy the time with him. Vacations are about having a good time with whomever you are with, don't let Vegas pressure you to do what it thinks you have to do in order for it to be a legit trip. Love ya!!

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  2. Glad you have Ronald as your best friend and husband. Enjoy the time with him. Vacations are about having a good time with whomever you are with, don't let Vegas pressure you to do what it thinks you have to do in order for it to be a legit trip. Love ya!!

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  3. Panic attacks really are the worst. You're so brave for overcoming the panic and then getting on a plane the next day. You rock. :)

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    Replies
    1. Molly- you are so sweet! I just received your email too and will reply soon! Thank you so much for reaching out to me and commenting. It really keeps me going when I am feeling low, you have no idea.

      xx, C

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