couple things

It's hot outside!

Amelia comforting me while I had a panic attack yesterday.
 Seriously, she is the best little snuggle-nurse out there.

Yesterday was pretty much a nightmare. I had some of the worst anxiety I've had in years. Even taking klonopin (an anti-anxiety drug that works wonders for me) only helped slightly. I kept doing weird things like shaking my head back and forth over and over, saying "no, no, no" or "I can't, I can't, I can't" again and again. It was really a new form of anxiety for me and I seriously thought I was losing my mind. 

The strange thing is, there isn't anything I am particularly anxious about, or any new anxiety provoker. So I'm not sure why this is happening. I am terrified to sleep due to my nightmares, but last night they weren't too bad so I got some rest. I have therapy tomorrow so I'm hoping I can get some answers and figure some of this out.

I pulled myself together enough yesterday afternoon to make the cake I mentioned in my previous post. It turned out so so so so good! I didn't make the candied orange peel and let it chill for two hours then put it in the freezer for half an hour and it was ready to eat (they say to chill it overnight). We paired it with some vanilla and strawberry Yoplait frozen yogurt, have you tried that stuff? It is so good! It also has only 100 calories per half cup and has all the health benefits of regular yogurt. Anyway, the cake is pretty rich but the yogurt balanced it out. The texture of it is kind of like a flour-less chocolate cake mixed with a mousse it was smooth and perfect. I was so happy with it and proud of myself for making something new. 

Lastly, I am worn out with this blog. Don't worry, I am not going away! I am just going to revamp things. I have a new space I am working on setting up and I hope you will join me there once I announce it, it still needs some work so it will be a while. I'm hoping I will have some fresh perspective on how I want to blog. I feel like I have lost my voice over here and it is just a notebook of thoughts with no direction. I'm going to have more defined topics and a blog schedule. I will share more of my writing and art as well as ideas on life and little tips here and there. I'm also going to be a better blog friend and reply to your sweet comments. I am so anti-social and shy that sometimes I just don't know how to respond to all the wonderful notes you leave, so I just stay silent. That is going to change for sure. 

Change is on the horizon, and it's exciting and so scary. Mostly exciting though and also slightly wondrous. 

Ok dolls, talk soon!

xx, C


  1. Sometimes I get anxiety when I can't think of anything to get anxiety about. Drives me nuts. Or I'll think "wow, I feel good right now" and bam I give it to myself. I'm getting better at it but still an issue. I'm sorry you anxiety is giving you shit.

    That cake sounds amazing.

  2. Ugh, inexplicable anxiety is the worst! I hope you were able to settle some things on Thursday in therapy. And aren't dogs the absolute greatest? I'm glad you have little Amelia by your side.

    I look forward to reading your new blog when you're ready to reveal it! And thanks for the frozen yogurt tip! I'm going to look for that in my grocery store as soon as I can go to the grocery store (which will be... yeah).

    Be well,


I adore your notes! Please don't be shy! :)