Well Friday is here and another week has gone by. Life has been extremely difficult. I am depressed, desperate, exhausted. In pain both physical and emotional. I cry and nearly have a panic attack each night. During the day I just go through the motions.

I had therapy yesterday and I feel like my doctor understood what I was saying which is good. We both think I have fibromyalgia so I need to see a rheumatologist, I also had my thyroid tested, I don't understand the results, but will hear soon enough. He is also going to change some of my medication around.

The one thing I wish was that there was a treatment to get rid of my nightmares, but there just isn't. I am  terrified to go to sleep each night. It's really awful.

I am really on my last rope over here. I pretend I'm not because I don't want to freak everyone out. I'm terribly good at acting and wearing masks, and smiling. But I think about ending it all the time, I have an indescribable pressure inside me that I can't bear much longer. It's really, really, really scary.



  1. I'm sorry C. Remember a good day will come soon and you dont want to miss it. Sending you a huge hug

  2. At least your doctor is working with you and I really have hope that you will find a balance. It's healthy to share those thoughts but it's certainly distressing to read. I know this is weird but feel free to email me any time, I get updates on my phone. If you're stuck awake or having a really bad moment, it could at least get your mind off of things. I have a few issues with anxiety but like I've said before, I'm mostly familiar with living with someone who battles the same demons that you're describing. So I never judge. I really hope that things start to look up for you.

  3. I'm glad that the doctor has at least figured something out and hopefully will get you feeling a little better. But I know all too well that there's some things no medicine will fix. I'm with Renee on this too. You're not alone. You know that if you ever need someone to talk to, Renee or Baylee or I are just an e-mail away. We certainly don't want you to feel like there's no hope. We loves you!


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