white horse

I had a complete meltdown at bedtime last night. It turned into one of the worst panic attacks I have ever had, but after a Klonopin things settled down enough so I could sleep.

I'm tired. Dealing with my depression is so hard, it leaves me utterly exhausted. I have to keep fighting but sometimes I don't know how I will do that.

I had a nightmare the other night of a white horse that had it's left leg cut off. It was bleeding and people were watching it die. I think I am the white horse, that I am broken and dying. I have been fighting so hard, powering through, but sometimes I want to give up.

It is a new day, I can always count on that, but sometimes that is the hard part.

xx, C


  1. I'm sorry C.
    (That picture is beautiful)
    From an online dream dictionary:
    "To see a black or dark horse in your dream signifies mystery, wildness, and the unknown. You are taking a chance or a gamble at some unknown situation. It may even refer to occult forces. If the horse is white, then it signifies purity, prosperity and good fortunes. To dream that you are being chased by a white horse may be a pun on chaste. Perhaps you are having difficulties dealing with issues of intimacy and sexuality. "
    I just thought that was kind of cool.

    Hang in there my friend.
    <3, Baylee

  2. *big hug* Dealing with depression is so very hard, trust me, I know! Jen has Bipolar Depression and severe anxiety. She's on disability, which we're thankful for. I am applying for my own, as I have severe OCD, depression and separation anxiety (which is the reason I absolutely cannot work - I cannot be without her, even for work, even for a few hours.)

    Outside of Klonopin (which is what we have as well!) do you take any other medication? I can tell you that Lamotrigine is an absolute life saver.

  3. That sucks. Hopefully you can start getting some rest and that will certainly help you feel better!

  4. I wish that you could find some relief :( I wish there was something that I could do.
    I hope that with a new day, you will find new hope.

  5. When you're tired everything always seems and feels so much worse. Hopefully you can get some rest and start to feel better soon. xo

    Rosie // A Rosie Outlook


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