"You say this life is giving you nothing"

I still have been struggling with hopeless thoughts even though things are definitely improving and getting better. I am still devastated that I have had so many years of depression and horrible struggle, I would say I have had twenty-seven and a half years of this nonsense (I am twenty-eight). This is all so unfair and makes me want to cry. I never thought this would be my life. The thing is no one is guaranteed a good life. That is what I am learning. And I was definitely dealt a baddy. But that doesn't mean it can't improve with lots of work and effort.

My one piece of true good luck: Ronald.

I still have mood swings and am realizing they are worse when I drink alcohol (sad sigh). The last two nights I have been so grumpy and sad, I have just wanted to go to bed and not face life anymore. Life can be so hard. The main thing that is hard for me now is that I don't know how to fill all my hours on earth. I feel lax and hate being caught in my head. I think too hard, I think too long, I think until I get hopeless and feel horrible about myself. I don't know what else to do though.

Love a little melancholy Catherine.


  1. I noticed the same thing when I drank, and I lived in a town at the time where that's all people would do and it turned into somewhat of a problem for me. Thankful now that I live elsewhere and that temptation is gone. Though I still drink once in a while, drinking less has opened my eyes to my behavior while drinking. It was really affecting me in a bad way. I've noticed too, I think, that too much caffeine does the same thing, but I'm not sure I can part with that!

    ♥ Emily

    1. I never really drink a lot, but just one cocktail can put me in a horrible mood. :(

  2. I know the feeling. I know just getting out of the house for a little while, even if it's just for a walk, helps bring me out of a funk.

    1. I got out of the house and it definitely helped a bit. It's weird how a change of pace and scenery can make a difference.


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