"and I don't feel any different"

Hi Love,

It's 2017! Holy smokes! I have some ideas for the year that I am excited about. I've started journaling several times a week, I'm going to start writing poetry again, and most importantly--I want to work on loving myself. That's a tough one. Oh and I want to get better at crying. I've been stuffing the feels lately and that's always a bad idea.

I'm still in my depression but it's slowly improving. Just working more and more every day and not giving up. That's all I can do. Sometimes I feel these glowing lovely feelings about life and it is amazing, I haven't had those sparks since February of last year so it's a big improvement. I am an inspired soul and joy in little things keep my heart beating. When depression blocks those joys I start to crumble. So I'm on a positive course right now.

Ronald is going to be traveling more and I am trying to be brave about it and remember that my emotional reaction of feeling abandoned when he is gone is due to my shitty childhood and nothing else. It isn't based on my current reality or who Ronald is. I'm going to keep pushing through and hopefully not get too scared of the dark at night. I get so spooked a bad guy will come get me or a giant spider. Oi moi...silly me.

My Cricket pup is very sick. It's so scary and awful. She is the bravest dog, I admire her so much and that may sound silly but she is my soulmate. She fights so hard everyday just like me and even though she had a horrible past she is working through her fears, going to the vet constantly and still staying cheerful. I just adore her and hope so much she will get through this. I can't imagine life without her. My orange squish.

I'm really in love with our little house right now which is rare for me. I'll post some photos soon of all the pretty things. Planning on getting more roses this Spring and basically all the flowers all over the place. Love getting my hands messy and growing things.

Hoping for a lovely year for you and me.

xo, C

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