Therapy: good and horrible

I go to therapy twice a week. Monday and Thursday. It's a lot of work and I am emotionally drained after and spend the rest of the day napping and doing self-care. So it's basically like two days a week are consumed by my mental health and trying to get better, this is both good and bad. It's good because it works-- I have made so much progress! It's hard because I have less days in the week, it is emotionally exhausting, and it's difficult to be vulnerable.

Therapy is the process of digging out. My therapist says it's like taking all the bits of yourself; your history, your emotions, your issues, and setting them out on a table, then I get to decide which pieces I want in my life, everything I don't want I can let go of. I really like that analogy and it is so true! 

I think the most important thing with therapy is being committed to the process and not giving up. I have been in therapy for eight years and I am just now getting to the good part, the part where everything is on the table. It isn't an easy thing, it isn't magic. My case is kind of weird and rare. My depression didn't respond to treatment for a long time, most people don't have to be in therapy for as long as I have. The other thing is I have to be vulnerable. If I'm not open and just pretending it's not going to help as much as it can. I also have to take the things I learn in my sessions and actually implement them. It's easy to learn and talk about a thought pattern I should change, or a new thing I should do but it's much harder to actually do it every day.

I have learned so much about myself, so much about life and relationships. I realize too that it isn't only helping me, it's helping me help others because I have more of an understanding of humanity and how our minds/emotions work. I'm hoping when I get more on my feet that I can help others with depression. 

If you are thinking about going to therapy, don't hesitate. I was so scared to go but it really isn't as scary as it seems. Remember there is no commitment, you can just go to one session and see how it goes, then go from there. Therapists have so much knowledge and we should take advantage of it. I know there is a lot of shame around seeking help, like it is a weakness because we can't figure things out ourselves. That is kind of silly but I used to feel the same way. Do we think it is a weakness to see a doctor for a cold? Or to go to school to learn something new? That is really all therapy is, getting help and advice from someone who knows more than you do. So if you need some life advice, or to work through some emotional issues, reach out to someone!

I am also always here to talk. You can find my email in the contact me section!

xo, C

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