nightmare girl

So things have been a bit crazed around here. Our travels are over for now and we are trying to get back to normal life. With this settling, I've been feeling pretty depressed and unmotivated. I'm also having some killer fatigue which makes doing anything seem impossible.

Last nights sleep was horrible, like really bad. About three weeks ago R and I watched a scary movie (I love scary movies so much...), the one we saw was subtle and brilliant and totally fucked me up. I dream about that movie every night and even during the day I am scared from it. R is going out of town in a little over a week and I am so scared to have him gone now that the movie is haunting me. It's awful.

One day I want to get a tattoo that says "nightmare fighter", as that is so me. If the pictured fortune is true, I am totally fucked! To any nerds out there, "nightmare fighter" also references the poem The Death of the Ball Turret Gunner by Randall Jarrell. Ok. Nerd out complete.

I've been having green smoothies for breakfast the last few days. I followed this tutorial on making single serve smoothie bags and it is such a brilliant idea. I can whip a smoothie up in the same time it takes me to get cereal together. This is awesome for before-coffee-me (which is a nightmare in itself).

It's so shitty to be up from a nightmare with the looming decision of going back to sleep which for me means back to the nightmare, or waking up. Oh lord is it hard. This morning the stay-awake won. No wonder I love naps so much. I am so lucky my bad dreams usually don't come up during naps. There is restorative sleep in the world...amen.

One more thing on sleep and bad dreams. Having dogs is the hugest help. Our giant black lab Amelia sleeps between R and I most nights. I fall asleep spooning her. She wakes whenever I do and watches me with her dark doe eyes and is always ready for a belly rub even at three a.m. it's the best.

In closing I would like to tell you what I say almost every morning, "sleep is for suckers".

xo, C

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