Hi Lovely.

It's been a bit. There are a lot of excitings going on as well as baddies. I've been having more than my share of panic attacks and have also been breaking out in random boogie dances throughout the day. Exciting is good. Bad is bad.

Last night I was up until about ten with a panic attack. I sobbed until I couldn't swallow or catch my breath. It scared me even though it happens a lot. Ronald was a champ working me through it and thank god for Klonopin too.

This morning my eyes are swollen and I have a rotten headache. I want to curl in a ball and watch Katherine Hepburn movies, drink too much soda, and cry all day. Instead I am going to force myself to get out of the house and go on a writing date to the French cafe'.

Things I hate right now.

not having a bathtub
not being able to work
how I get a headache when I read (even with glasses)
peanut butter (because it tastes so good)
being lactose intolerant
how I'm so shy I can't even get a manicure even though my nails desperately need it
my dying garden that just sucks even though I try
knowing I'm not pregnant
our mean/psycho neighbors

Things I love right now.

peanut butter (paradox...I know)
the puppers
our house plans
my cheap-o purse from Target
klonopin and all the meds I'm on that are saving my life
how brave and badass I am (yes. I said it.)
some upcoming travel that is going to be amaze-balls (will share soon)
seltzer water
our summer pom-pom blanket that we cuddle under while watching TV (it looks like powdered sugar)
tea in my adorable tea pot
making rituals


I'm planning on making strawberry lemonade this afternoon and some healthy muffins. Hooray-baking!

What is something you hate and something you love right now?

Love and all the good, C


  1. I'm loving your blog right now :) and loathing dumb panic and anxiety. Lil xx

  2. I hate chronic illness, and medication side effects. I hate medical bills and being in debt. I hate watching my husband live on ramen and grilled cheese sandwiches so that we can afford to feed me decently well. I hate not being able to go out and do fun things together. I hate being in pain.

    I *LOVE* my bathtub (so sorry you don't have one!), my kittens' funny antics (especially in regards to said bathtub), love pain medication, love home-cooked food, and delicious, delicious tea. I love my 2 giant boxes of "new" (to me) books and reading while I'm soaking away the pain in a epsom salt bath. I love that Corey's family sent us some money, and we took $20 of that and went to the movies the other night for the first time this year. I love seeing letters from friends in my mailbox and my inbox, and I love the warm glow of accomplishment when I actually write back! (Something that I struggle with.)

    Oh yeah, and I *love* my chiropractor and the work he does on my silly subluxations and malpositionings. I always feel at least 50% better.

  3. I love the sunshine today, and I hate that my brain is not letting me enjoy it. It's an important day and I want to love it, but I just can't and I really hate that.


I adore your notes! Please don't be shy! :)