the down days of autumn

Hello there.

It's been a rough weekend. I've just been in the pits. So down and I have no idea why. Ronald has been so sweet and the pups have been extra cuddly, but I just can't get out of this blue mood I'm in.

I hate depression. It sucks the life out of me. I think about all the things I've missed on my down days. Mental illness is a fucking bitch.

I think about how autumn is here, and how nice it is to be cold. I think about Ronald and how much I love him. Our pups and how cute and smelly they are. I think about all these things but I don't feel them on days like this, I can't feel anything but pain and sadness. People who suggest you should move past your emotions can suck it and probably have never been clinically depressed.

So right now the feelings gone, or rather displaced. The good feelings are replaced with bad-bad-bad ones. I try to remind myself tomorrow may/will be better. 'Please be better', I whisper to whatever will listen.

Please be better, C

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