10/16/13

4:30



So I woke up at 4:30. Nightmares keep bouncing me out of bed early, and it's stupid and annoying, but it is. I'm all bundled in the living room, the windows are open and it's very cold, and the pups are flopping around happily after just having breakfast. 

I'm realizing I am a doer, and this is often to my own detriment. I do and do and do and don't listen to my pain levels. Yesterday I went out and ran a few errands. I pushed myself hard to get things done, it was fun, but on the drive home (taking the back roads to beat traffic) I realized how incredibly fatigued I was. Even driving was hard as my body was aching so much. 

The thing is: I like doing stuff. I like staying busy. I don't really watch television during the day, I have a few shows I catch up on but even then I'm not that interested, I mostly listen to music. I'm more interesting in doing. In going places, being outside, and doing things around the house. If it wasn't for the debilitating and sporadic nature of my illnesses I would have a job for sure. 

I get bored pretty easily. I was bored my entire childhood-- I'm done being bored, so I do. I really have to slow down though and meter myself. There is only so much my body can take before flaring up now that I have fibromyalgia. 

I need to work more on projects that don't take as much physical energy, but still keep my mind occupied. That's one reason I'm pushing myself to blog more and to reignite my passion for it. I also am writing, and taking my computer on coffee dates for a change of scenery. I need to read. I can't tell you how much I struggle with reading. I love it, but I haven't finished a book in almost two years...I can't believe that! I am a reader and consider myself a bookworm, but something about reading makes me so anxious. I get lost in my head and my mind wanders too much, but that is not a great excuse as I miss reading more than I hate the things it can cause. 

I have bought audio books too, but I still can't bring myself to start one. I guess I just need to push play.

Do you have trouble slowing down? What are some things you do when you need to slow down?

xx, C

1 comment:

  1. you sound so much better. Doing stuff is great and it always makes us feel good. keep it up honey

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