"the tulips are too excitable, it is winter here." -Sylvia Plath

My appointment with the new doctor yesterday did not go well. She took me off one of the pain medications that really helped me due to her concern about side-effects. So I am on less medication than I was before. I am in even more pain now (obviously). I asked for another pain medication to replace the one she took me off of and she said I had no other options than narcotics and she wouldn't put me on those. I am so discouraged.

She gave me no treatment options. She said the main pain medication I take three times a day is not that great. I asked what else I can take and she simply responded "nothing". Her main push was that I go to a support group. She signed me up for it and as she was filling out the paperwork she told me they strongly recommend that the attendees take a relaxant medication before arriving for each session. She asked if I would take it and I said no. I have no idea why me or anyone attending a support group would need to be on a relaxant! It was so strange.

I think my next step is going to see a specialist outside of my insurance (Kaiser) as I have tried the specialists there with no help. My psychiatrist knows some doctors who specialize in treating fibromyalgia so I will see one of them. I have no idea how much it will cost out of pocket but we have some savings so I'm just going to do it. I hate feeling like every doctor I see has no idea what they are talking about, they all give me different information, and know very little about fibromyalgia.

Today I feel rotten. I woke extremely depressed and low. It's hard to stay positive when I am in so much pain, bedridden, and feel like I don't have a doctor to help me. I seriously feel like my body is shutting down physically, I know something is wrong but can't pinpoint it, and the doctors can't either.

I also think I have a urinary tract infection. I'm going to start antibiotics today for it. Maybe that will help if there is another infection going on we don't know about. I so hope I can get back on my feet soon. I'm so sad and down. It's horrible. I'm tired of sleeping, of laying around, of moaning in pain, but there is nothing else I can do. I feel like my body is totally broken and no one knows how to fix it. :(

I have therapy at noon today. I will drag myself to it because I think it will help clear my head a lot. I hope it does because I am completely spent.

Love, C


  1. Sorry I haven't been checking in as much!

    I don't blame you for being totally frustrated and exhausted. Are you going to do the support group? And wtf about being on a relaxant! wtf??

    1. Oh that's ok my love! I miss you!

      I know isn't the support group thing crazy?

      Anyway, sending love!


  2. I really dont know if anyone has said anything like this, I hate doing this myself as I am sure you will have looked at this option its just I have been readin your story since you wrote for my blog and everything you say sounds so familar. Have you had your thyriod checked properly? I mean properly its difficult to get it checked out as most docs just do the basic TSH test and if that is ok then they say you are fine or have something like fibromyalgia. But theres more to it. I am going to shut up now as I have said I hate doing this as I am sure you have looked into this yourself. If you want to know more then just message me on twitter or via my blog. Or just visit http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com and have a look about. I hope you get the right help soon big hugs to you xx

    1. Hi Hannah, thanks for the concern. I have had it checked in every way possible. Hashimoto's disease runs in my family so it's checked often.

      Thanks for the good wishes!

      Love, C


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