My new pain medication makes me have so many bad dreams. It feels like they only last a few minutes each so I end up having so many I can't keep track. This morning one brought back a memory.

I had to live in my parents laundry room for a few weeks when I was twelve or thirteen, we had too much company, so there I was next to the washer and dryer. I hated it, and felt disowned and in the way. During that time I received some of my grades from school (I was home-schooled), I was failing science, and got in big trouble. The only problem was that once I started sixth grade my mother stopped teaching me and I was left with a stack of school books, a notepad, and a pile of required tests. I even had to make my own lesson schedule so I didn't get behind! I remember feeling lost and like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. No one looked out for my education but me, and yet I faced consequences if my teenage brain didn't plan or teach myself properly.

I steal feel guilty and in trouble for failing science in high school. Even though during my brief college venture I excelled in marine biology, and oceanography. No child should have to teach themselves from text books, and I know I didn't get the education I needed or deserved, but ah well.

In other news: it's Ikea day! I am so excited about it, especially because it means some time with Ronald. I have been missing him so much, he is a busy bee so any time I get with him is priceless.

I have been making us big cups of tea in the evenings. We usually have an apple with it on cute little plates and I put our tea in funny little mugs. It feels special even when Ron is playing a video game while his tea steeps, and I am reading articles on my laptop. It's a ritual, and that's what I like.

I am a creature of routine. My life was pretty damn unpredictable until I got married, and it has taken me years to figure out that I need constants in my life. I need to know there will be a thread of things staying the same each day or I get rather panicked.

Anyway, I hope you have a lovely, wondrous, exciting, glowing day.

xx, C

No comments:

Post a Comment

I adore your notes! Please don't be shy! :)