Monday Morning Light Vol. 3

I feel guilty a lot. Its an intense creep up and down the spine emotion for me, and it is hard to shake though I have spent years trying. 

I feel guilty for just about everything, somehow I can always find a reason to let in the drip, drip, drip of those loose-lipped feelings. The guilt whispers to me, you know what I mean? It says things like, "you shouldn't have bought this", "...said that", "...felt that way". It basically tells me to not be me, to not cry, to not say what I want, to not be human. It beckons me into dark passages of self-doubt, and damn are those passages deep and long.

One of the worst things it does is tell me I am invalid. That my story, my experience is not good enough to be shared, is not worthy of a voice, that I am somehow less, or not as I should be.

My guilt is a ravenous creature, it wants more and more and more of my soul and my heart. It wants space in my brain, in my every thought. It really wants to ruin me, to take me down with it. It wants to tear at my relationships with others. It wants to subtly permeate my character.

I want to let it go, I really do. And I'm working hard at it, but sometimes I wonder if it will ever ease up.

I think one thing this life long guilt trip has taught me is to be open to others experience, to be accepting, loving, and to not disapprove of people for petty reasons. We are all fighting so why add to others burdens?

x, C


  1. I know the feeling. I completely believe in "you are your own worst enemy" when it comes to feeling guilty and worrying. The more you tell yourself that it's ok to feel a certain way, the easier it gets!

  2. Hey, I just discovered you through ♥elycia and read this post first thing. I just want to say how refreshing it is to see someone be vulnerable and honest. So I 1)appreciate that a great deal and 2) can relate to you a great deal. I realized a couple of weeks ago that most of the seemingly "good" things I do for others are out of guilt or a desperate need for them to be happy with me. I actually did a whole blog post about it. This is no way to live. Since then, I've seen a slow change in me. It's not always easy and/or pretty, but it's good. If you ever want to talk about it, I'd love to do that.


  3. Thanks you two. I always feel uncomfortable blogging honestly, but it really is more me than pretending everything is ok all the time.

    Love, C


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