life collection

notice the giant sun spot by my lips and nose? I love sunspots...

I have no energy. I have been fighting energy battles for years as depression sure can sap me of it, but this time it's different. It has been two months of feeling like I can hardly stand up, of being dizzy and lightheaded, of feeling totally spent. I have gone to the doctor, had full blood panels done and nothing is wrong. I have been on two courses of antibiotics and those didn't help. I have tried working on things in therapy and my psychiatrist changed some of my medicine around and still nothing.

The hardest part is, it's getting worse. I cry about it, I get depressed from it, I can hardly do anything. I have motivation in my head--there are things I want to do, but I physically am unable to do them.

It's worse than when I have the flu, it's worse than when I am bedridden with depression, it's really (really) bad. And the thing is no one knows what to do...so I get worried.

This week includes another trip to the doctor for more tests and advice. And two sessions of therapy (as always), and that balance between rest and still showering and functioning on some level.

I'm sorry I have been an absent commenter on your blogs, sometimes it's even hard to type, so I try to fit in as many updates here as I can.

Sending love, C