"who loves you true?"

I'm feeling very fragile this week. At the moment I can  hardly keep my eyes open but don't want to go back to sleep due to the horrible-plaguing dreams I've been experiencing.

I keep crying at random times and just can't shake this sad feeling. I know why it is there, but that doesn't make it any easier. What's absolutely breaking my heart is the fertility issues we are having. I want to be a mom so bad, and I feel like time is just ticking by and there is no real promise that it will ever happen. I feel like less of a human because of the trouble we are having, I feel guilty, I feel devastated, I feel totally sunk in and exhausted.

I am even having physical symptoms. Constant nausea, tension headache, and sores in my mouth. I also think I skipped my time of the month (but am definitely not pregnant). Stress is a big monster.

We are waiting until February to start fertility treatments and to really define what is wrong. There are a few reasons for that. One is our insurance won't kick in until February, and the other is that I don't think I am ready to face it all just yet, so need some time to work through things.

I try to get through each day, knowing that eventually these feelings will taper off. There is so much I am getting behind on due to the serious lack of energy I am experiencing, but for now that is just the way it is.


  1. Oh, I am so sorry :[ I sincerely hope you feel better soon ♥

  2. I know it's hard when something you assume would just happen doesn't. I know I've felt a bit defeated lately because we were planning on adopting a child from either China or South Korea, but because of new restrictions, neither of those will happen. I've been trying to tell myself that it's ok and as long as we are adopting a child that needs us that's all that matters, but it's hard to not feel a little upset when plans change. I guess the important thing to remember is that it will be ok, no matter what happens.


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