"I'll speak in a monstrous little voice" (Midsummer Nights Dream, Shakespeare)

Stardust by Nat King Cole is really one of the most beautiful tragic songs out there (at least in my opinion). Listening to it first thing this morning kind of makes my heart hurt.

I'm sitting at my desk, enjoying the morning light that is sparking through the sheer curtained window. I've totally stopped writing these past weeks and that is really disappointing. I miss it but don't know how to get back to it, it feels like a tightrope I can't balance on right now.

In other news, I want to redecorate the house, especially the living room and my desk. I will try to snap pictures of the process if I ever actually get around to doing it.

I'm trying to find my voice. Its hard when I've never had a clear one before. I am a pretty direct person, at least in my head, but being direct with the people in my life is pretty damn scary. I am afraid of being abandoned and that fear sucks. I cry a lot about it and also get quite irritable when I am not standing up for myself. Its not easy. My therapist yesterday told me that "it is imperative for me to find my voice", that made me realize this is quite serious and a real key to my growth. I'm just scared to do it, and sometimes fear is paralyzing.

Wish me luck my darlings.



  1. Sometimes you just have to care about only yourself. without trying to sound like a jerk, in reality we are all we have. I know we have family, etc, but they do not make our daily decisions. Be who you want and don't worry about the rest, it will fall into place, feel better, overcoming fear is a strong thing.

  2. My dear,

    Thanks for the encouraging words. It means a lot!

    xx, C

  3. you have such a way with words! love the blog! xoxo


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