5/29/15

Dates


Earlier this week I dolled up and took myself on a date to the French cafe' and it was so nice. I did some writing, had an espresso, and read a chapter of A Moveable Feast (one of my favorite books). Oh, and I had a slice of a strawberry rhubarb tart which was so amazing. I love rhubarb and really should try my luck at baking a rhubarb pie one day. While out I got a text from my very pregnant sister (who had her baby the next day! New niece yay!), inviting me to lunch and I couldn't pass it up. It was so nice to catch up with her and have some sister time!

All of this is to say that I am going to continue my date today. I'll get back to the French Cafe' and my main goal is to move my Hungry Bunnies shop over to Etsy. Since I've used Storenvy I have had zero traffic unless I post on social media. Thing is, they get a cut of every sale but they aren't helping me increase my store views, so that's disappointing. I love the look of Storenvy and ease of use, but think Etsy is a better way to go right now. So today will be tedious and full of writing policies and welcome pages, and all that ish. I'm not looking forward to it, but being at the cafe' should make it a little more dreamy and bearable. 

I've been up to a lot of things and have been experiencing a gaggle of breakthroughs (which is fucking amazing along with being fucking scary). I'm hoping to share a more personal post of what' been going on, but honestly I am super shy about opening up for some reason. Writing just seems so overwhelming right now, but I will share one of these days...

In closing let me remind you that it's almost the weekend! Hooray-boogie-dances are in order!

xo, C


5/24/15

Yosemite & I: a photo diary




























Ronald and I went to Yosemite two weeks ago for work. While he taught a class, I wandered around and took photographs. It was so pretty out and I had so much fun. Whenever I am in Yosemite I feel so small and held up by the earth. It's wonderful.

I wrote the following poem in Yosemite in 2012, after visiting the waterfalls. This year I meditated next to the waterfall and it was perfect.

Note to a waterfall:

I walk to you water

With a prayer, with a Minnow heart.

My soft stare perpetuating my short stature,

And your high oh so holy vertical most impossible climb

Rising up, up, up until I crane my neck,

Until all I can muster is shallow breath. 

Until downtrodden I walk to your downfall

The water emerging from so many cracks and formed layers,

I being broken in so many unutterable places, find something of

A healing in your presence. The mist rinsing over my clay soul.

---

xo, C

5/16/15

lately


It's been a crazy week. Monday and Tuesday Ronald and I were in Yosemite. While there I meditated near the falls, and took a long walk. It was nice.

The rest of the week was full of appointments and other to-do's. I managed to take myself on a little coffee date which was nice. 

Then yesterday, our family dog Winifred passed away. We are all heartbroken and I am still in shock. We spent the day together as a family and talked about all the things we will miss. Winnie was such a queen, and a grump, and a lover. She had a unique personality and it was awesome. 

The weekend is for being with family, doing some shopping for R, and doing chores. We are getting him a smoker for his birthday (which is next week!), and he also needs some nice clothes for work (and our Lisbon trip!). All I really want to do is lay around with the pups and sit in the garden and be with family. But we need to get shit done.

xo, C


5/7/15

work


Things have been rough the last several weeks. I was in a really good place for about a month. I started Hungry Bunnies and was creating every day. I had loads of energy and it felt great. Now I am struggling just to shower and do the basics. I'm dealing with intense anger that shows itself in panic attacks and depression. Anxiety disorders are so awful and it's hard for me to not totally freak out that I suffer with one. Anxiety begets anxiety I guess...

Some good things are also happening, and growth as well. I have been socializing a lot more, and I also have been keeping up with my appointments and plans even though I feel like shit. I am also facing my anger in the most direct way I ever have, which is a huge breakthrough.

I feel like I am on the cusp of coming into my own. Of conquering some of my demons and living the creative and passionate life I have always dreamed of and worked toward. Just that I have hope is huge right now. I have fought so unbelievably hard to survive, and I want to do more than that, I want to be full. I want to be brimming with love and good things. I want to be able to be myself fully and without apology. I am excited for what the future holds.

Right now I am working and waiting it out. Peonies are in season and I have vases of them all over the house. The carrots are coming in and the garden is full of promise. Ronald is a badass, and we have a house full of puppy-paws. It's good. It's hard, but it's good.

xo, C

5/1/15

weekend


So happy it's Friday! Of course it's hot as fuck out. Blurgh.

This weekend is for: puppy bath time, movie dates, hanging some artworks, and doing some work in the garden. It's nice to have an easy weekend with nothing really planned. 

This week has been up and down. I'm working through a lot of anger that masks itself as anxiety. It's been pretty shitty. Starting to get back on my feet which is nice. I've watched a shit ton of television, and took lots of naps. I also got a ton of appointments done that I had been putting off, ate well, and wrote a few pages of my book. 

I have been trying to find more freedom in my every day. I always think of what I should be doing rather than what I want to be doing. I have worked so hard to get to an ok place and to live a creative life. This means I can do whatever the fuck I want. That is a great feeling, when I'm living in it, and I want to make the most of it. 

Hope you have a great weekend! 

xo, C